How can I get my partner to recognize...

September 16, 2017

 

Kedra-How do I get my partner to recognize the importance of time away from our house and child? -Kia

 

Kia-

The truth is you can't. We all go through life hoping that we can MAKE other see how important certain things are. I mean, "What the hell? How do they not see how important it is?" Right?!?

Wrong. Our "truths" and "important things" were instilled in our brains long ago and for new things to suddenly become important enough for us to put any effort at all into, then we have to see the benefit. "WIFM" (What's in it for me ?) is something that at some point rings true to all of us and may be a little more applicable in your scenario. My opinion? You can do two things:

  1. Let your partner  know that it is important to YOU. In a loving relationship where two people are aspiring to be good partners, when something is important to your partner, you try. You take pride in trying. You try even if its just to remind them of that one time that they made you try something awful but you had to because guess what? It was important to them.

  2. Let your partner see who you are when you are away from  your house and from your child. We all wear many different hats and "me" in mom mode and "me" on date night are two totally different people. There is tantalizing conversation, there is flirting, there is no food on my clothes. I also do not hear, "MOMMY" 32 times in an hour.

It is so easy to take a good relationship for granted, I am not saying at ALL that your partner would. I am only saying that is it easy to. Most partners in serious relationship love to claim how well they KNOW their partner. The knowing should be never ending. I doubt that you are the same person you were 10 years ago, and I highly doubt you will be the same 10 years from now.

"Know" is an action word. 

My truth is, relationships need "watering"  for them to continue to grow and both partners have to grow and change with it. It is a garden that blossoms and changes year after year. "Watering" is in alone time AND family time. You have to have adventures with your partner. When my partner and I are out with other people, or even alone but out and about, I learn more about him. I get to know the man he is today. I see how he interacts and reacts to other people and situations. I hear his opinions from a whole new point of view. I watch him argue a point, and sometimes I get to do absolutely nothing except witness my very best friend, looking at me. I fall in with him over and over again. And vise versa. My partner gets to SEE me. Legs shaven and smelling fabulous. Opinionated, spoiled and all the things I dial back to zero when I am being  a diplomatic, fair and selfless mommy.

A bit of homework if you don't mind: The next time the two of you are alone, make a rule that for ONE evening, you can talk about ANYTHING except three things.

  1. Kids.

  2. Bills.

  3. Work

Enjoy! I hope you have a GREAT date night.

 

Kedra

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